Breathe...just breathe. I find myself repeating that over and over on more days than not. It's just a bad day, not a bad life. The world breaks everyone at some point. Loneliness can be masked as anger, frustration, irritability, depression and anxiety. Depression can make the situation more intricate. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them in such a significant way that they can never go back to the person they were. I'm going to be completely honest and emotionally raw with you right now. There are days I just can't participate in life. I have good days, bad days, overwhelming days, I can't go on days, and I'm just sick of everything and can't deal days. Yet, everyday I still show up knowing that some days are just extremely HARD! I have my own ways of dealing with it.
*I'm fine is code word for "I'm broken".
*If I was a color I'd pick translucent. Giving me an excuse to be invisible.
*Try and feel valuable when my thoughts want to remind me of my worthlessness.
*Remind myself that through thick and thin I can do my best, without feeling like I HAVE to do my best.
*Stand out when I feel unseen.
*Loosen up the cords of compassion that keeps us withheld from the outside world.
Life is a beautiful, breathtaking yet heartbreaking puzzle to be put together. Many feel invisible to others because they feel invisible to themselves. You spend most of your time navigating through life's wildest storms. Most mornings I wake up thinking...Dear Life, When I said "can my day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question not a challenge. I have no words to describe yesterday. I do, however have a ton of obscene gestures. At a certain point I'm going to start carrying around a sign that says "out of order " and then call it a day. Instead, I've been instructed to be a little more positive. I've been told it would be constructive to use my struggles and frustrations to motivate me rather than annoy me. Take control of my outlook. Look for something positive in each day even if some days you have to look harder. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the good days of your life. Everyone has bad moments and even champions lose rounds. My biggest fear is that I've lost who I am and I wonder each and every day if I will get her back. Just because my eyes don't tear up doesn't mean my heart doesn't sometimes cry. Just because I come off strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong in my world. The best advice I've been given is, "Lift your head up princess because if not the crown will fall".
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